A few weeks ago I got to spend some time with, Ian Cron, an author that I really admire. It was nice to discover how normal he is. I read his most recent book, Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me, often through tears. It was really enjoyable to talk with him about the theology behind his thoughts, words, stories, and memories. It doesn’t give anything away for me to tell you that his writing spurred a thought I had never had: forgiving Jesus.
Take a breath before you stop reading.
I believe Jesus is the perfect and divine Son of God in whom the fullness of God resides. I affirm the Apostles’ Creed, “Jesus Christ, [is God’s] only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; he descended into hell; on the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.” I acknowledge He lived a sinless life. I am grateful that today we celebrate and remember his loving sacrifice.
So why on earth would he need my forgiveness? (Jesus being in a place of need is another conversation)
Forgiveness isn’t always about what someone really did to us. It’s about what we perceived they did to us. The wounds we carry are real. Some have been inflicted upon us intentionally. But some of the pain we carry comes from the unintentional actions of the frail humans we live among. I suspect if you are like me there are a few people we’ve assigned blame to that haven’t done anything to injure us…like Jesus.
Maybe you grew up in a family or tradition where this kind of thinking was not acceptable. Prayers were nice not gritty, more rehearsed than raw. You just didn’t address God when you were angry, hurt, or frustrated…so the angst gets pressed down. When that happens it doesn’t take long before the unsaid and unacknowledged becomes toxic. A low-grade anger smolders beneath the surface. Once in a while it finds a fault line in the crust and erupts but never in the direction of the One you’re really mad at, Jesus.
As I read Cron’s book I had several things I needed to revisit with Jesus. I had to forgive him for cancer that took my parents. I had to forgive him for some of the losses in my life. I had to forgive him for personal and vocational failures that I had long blamed him for. But he didn’t do any of these things to me. I had assigned the blame to him and treated him like he did.
So on this Good Friday, as we remember his offer of forgiveness to us, might you need to extend the same to him?
Is your unforgiveness of Jesus derailing your life?